How to Let Go of Holiday Traditions That No Longer Bring You Joy

By Mary Saylor, M.Ed. 

When the Holiday You Worked So Hard For… Falls Flat

Six hours in, surrounded by steam, spices, and the smell of sage, I finally sat down to eat — and fifteen minutes later… it was over. 🫩

Ever had a holiday like that?

It was Thanksgiving a few years ago. I’d spent the better part of two full days in the kitchen. I baked, basted, boiled, and chopped my way through a magazine-worthy feast — the kind my Grandma Hathaway would have been proud of.

And then, in a blink, it was done.

When I looked around, all I saw were piles of dishes stacked high in the sink, and all I wanted was a nap. Somewhere under the exhaustion, I wanted to feel grateful… but what I really felt was frustration.

And honestly? It felt a lot like those teaching holiday "extras"— pouring myself out for hours, only to have the moment pass in a flash while the fatigue lingers long after the gratitude settles.

That was the first time I asked, Why do we do this?

The Moment I Realized Something Was Off

A few days later, as I scraped yet another dish of uneaten leftovers into the trash, the question echoed louder:

Why do we DO this?!

Because here’s the truth:
I had spent hours — days, actually — making foods no one really loved.

The homemade cheese ball.
The endless relish trays.
That coconut-sour-cream-fruit-cocktail concoction Grandma Hathaway passed down (I didn’t even like it as a kid!).

So why did I keep making it?
Because it was tradition.
Because I felt like I should.

I told myself that gratitude should make the exhaustion feel worth it. And I was grateful — deeply. But I was also overwhelmed, overstimulated, and quietly resentful.

Those uncomfortable feelings?
They were trying to tell me something.

When We Finally Asked the Right Questions

The next year, we started over.

I asked my family what they actually loved about Thanksgiving.
What we could let go of.
What mattered most.

That was the year we ditched the fruit salad (and the sweet potatoes).
We added bacon-wrapped jalapeños. 🥓🌶️
And everyone helped in the kitchen.

It was the year we laughed more and stressed less.

Less food. More connection.
Less pressure. More joy.

For the first time, Thanksgiving felt like US.

What This Means for You

So here’s the question I now ask every November, and the question I want to ask you:

🍂 What traditions in your life no longer bring joy?

🍂 What are you holding onto out of obligation, not meaning?

And perhaps most importantly…

🍂 What is your heart whispering beneath all that gratitude?

Teachers are notorious for ignoring their own needs during the busiest season of the year. Instead, we:

• volunteer for the holiday assembly because “someone has to”

• say yes to the Secret Santa even though no one actually wants another mug

• bake 42 cupcakes for the class party because Pinterest guilt kicks in

• keep classroom traditions alive even when they drain us more than they delight us

But joy doesn’t come from doing it all.
It comes from doing what matters most.

Your NO-vember Traditions Check-In (Step-by-Step Guide)

To help you figure out what to keep and what to release, I created the NO-vember “Traditions Check-In” Chart — a simple reflection tool to help you see which routines are adding joy… and which are only adding stress.

Here’s how to use it:

1. Start with a quiet moment.

Take a slow breath. Drop your shoulders. You’re not fixing anything — just noticing.

2. List your holiday traditions, obligations, and routines.

Include school, home, family expectations, social events, volunteer roles, and spending habits.

3. Tune into your body.

Does each tradition feel:
✨ Energizing?
✨ Peaceful?
✨ Draining?
✨ Heavy?

Your body will tell the truth long before your brain does.

4. Circle the traditions that still bring meaning.

These stay.

5. Put a gentle ✨ next to the ones you’re ready to release.

These shift, simplify, or go.

6. Keep the chart somewhere visible.

You deserve a daily reminder that your worth isn’t measured by how much you do.

You’re Not Ungrateful for Wanting Less

This is important:
Letting go does not mean you’re ungrateful.
It means you’re wise.
It means you’re listening.
It means you trust that joy can come from fewer things that matter more.

We do not need to hold onto traditions simply because we inherited them, or because we’re afraid disappointing someone means we’re “not grateful enough.”

No.
The most grateful thing you can do sometimes…
is say no.

Say no to pressure.
Say no to expectations.
Say no to exhaustion disguised as “tradition.”

NO-vember is your chance to choose differently.

Ready for a Holiday That Actually Feels Like You Again?

Take five quiet minutes this week to complete the reflection chart.

👉 Download your FREE NO-vember “Traditions Check-In” Chart HERE
(It’s a quick, thoughtful guide to help you release what’s draining you and hold onto what matters most.)

Because you deserve a season filled with peace, not pressure.
Joy, not obligation.
And connection — the true kind — not the kind that comes wrapped in expectations.

Your light doesn’t shine when you do it all.
Your light shines when you are aunthentically you. 💛

Photo Credits:

1. svetikd from Getty Images Signature, Used with Canva Pro licensing. 

2. JodiJacobson from Getty Images Signature